When you are going through a divorce, and after it is over, there may be hard feelings. It is important to maintain civil communications at all times for several reasons.
1) If you have children you should never involve them in the divorce process. Children should never hear you or their other parent demean, belittle or criticize the other parent. Commissioners and Judges are very adamant that all communication about and to the other party in front of the children be completely respectful.
2) During the divorce process, if you have an attorney, use your attorney to communicate with the other party about particularly difficult topics.
3) When communicating by text, email or phone, it is important to keep records of what is said or written as it may be important to your case. If possible, have a written record so that an accurate record of what was said and what was agreed to. There are tools for printing text messages. It is a good idea to keep a communication log.
4) If you find yourself exchanging unpleasant e-mails or text message with the other party, you might want to have someone you trust review your e-mails and texts before you send them. Before you send something, it might be valuable to imagine what your response would be if you received the message you are sending.
A thought for all you co-parents out there . . .
“Now she knew what divorce really was: Sharing decisions with a person you would run down on the street.”
Judy Blundell
My child's parent and I have split . . . what do I do?
A paternity action is similar to a divorce when the parents of a child split up but they were never legally married. A paternity order is needed to address custody, parent time, child support, and other issues. A paternity order may seem unimportant when the parties are getting along, however, if the relationship breaks down it will become very important, very quickly. Without an Order, the parties have equal access to the children. Either party can keep the children from the other party and there is very little to be done without an order signed by a judge.
A paternity action is started by filing a Petition. The opposing party then files an Answer. The parties are typically required to attend mediation. Mediation is a great place for the parties to try and solve their issues on their own.
When the parties are getting along they may be able to craft an agreement which can be turned into a court order than explains how they want their co-parenting relationship to be designed. An order crafted by the parties is almost always preferable to an order handed down by the judge because the parties will know the intricacies of their situation, their children and their schedule. A paternity order should address things like child custody (both legal and physical), parent time, holidays, child support and tax deductions.
Parent Coordinators
Utah law allows a judge to appoint a parent coordinator to help parents work together at co-parenting their children. Parent coordinators make recommendations to the parents regarding a variety of common co-parenting issues such as communicating with each other, resolving conflicts, coordinating schedules, selecting schools and day care, and determining participation in sports and other activities. This is just a partial list. For a more comprehensive list of the issues parent coordinators can help with you can review the actual rule at http://www.utcourts.gov/resources/rules/ucja/ch04/4-509.htm
Parents do have to pay for this service, but for parents who are spending a lot of time (and money) in court trying to resolve co-parenting issues a parent coordinator is a less expensive and more efficient alternative.
Pets and Divorce
Dividing up pets can be an emotional part of a divorce. Utah does not have any specific laws on this issue, but there are some guiding principles.
Courts do not look at pets as children. Most courts have made it very clear that unless there is abuse they are not going to determine possession by the best interest of the pet.
Courts have held that a pet can be considered a special piece of property – comparable to an heirloom – and therefore specific performance is allowed. This means courts can order possession of a pet to one party. Courts are not limited to awarding the monetary value of the pet. Often courts will require the party who was awarded possession of the pet to compensate the other party for the monetary value of the pet.
Courts usually award possession to the party who takes care of the pet. A good way to prove who takes care of the dog is to make a video of a day in the life of the dog – showing who feeds, walks, cleans up after, etc., the dog.
Legal and Physical Custody
There are two types of child custody -- legal and physical. Legal custody is the right to make legal decisions about and on behalf of your children. For example, a parent with legal custody can decide where the children will go to school or which doctor they will see. Physical custody is the right to have your children live primarily with you.
Divorced parents can have sole or joint legal custody of their children. Sole legal custody means that one parent has all the rights to make decisions about and on behalf of the child. Joint legal custody means the parents must work together to make decisions about the child. If parents have joint legal custody they are required to have a parenting plan. A good parenting plan will explain the process parents should use to make decisions together.
Divorced parents can also have sole or joint physical custody of their children. In Utah, whether a physical custody arrangement is a sole or joint one is determined by how many overnights the child spends with each parent. When a child spends more than 110 nights with the noncustodial parent, the parents are considered to have joint physical custody.
Divorced parents must decide, or have the court decide, who will have both physical and legal custody of their children. Parents can choose to have joint or sole custody legal and physical of their children. It is not uncommon for the parents to have joint legal but with one of the parents having sole physical custody.
LOVS meets Ruth Bader Ginsburg; accepts award for Bar Section of Year
LOVS was truly fortunate to attend the Utah State Bar Summer Convention in beautiful Sun Valley, Idaho this July.
Virginia Sudbury, who spearheaded the Limited Scope Section of the Bar, accepted the award for Bar Section of the Year on behalf of the Limited Scope Section! LOVS is proud to offer limited scope solutions for clients, and to contrite to educate lawyers, judges, commissioners, and clients about the benefits of limited scope work.
Finally, Virginia, Elizabeth Hill-Bolling (paralegal extraordinaire), and Alison Satterlee (associate attorney) had the experience of a lifetime meeting Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg while at the Convention. Justice Ginsburg was an absolute delight as a speaker and incredibly gracious in person.
Thank you to the Utah State Bar for an experience of a lifetime!
Virginia Sudbury is Family Law Lawyer of the Year
LOVS is proud to announce that Virginia Sudbury was awarded Outstanding Family Law Lawyer of the Year by the Utah State Bar for 2016!
This is a stunning achievement that could not be more deserved. Congratulations, Virginia!
You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you. Mary Tyler Moore
Happy New Year! This sentiment makes perfect sense to me, although I am the first to want to grow through experience and gain courage without the necessary pain. This now seems unlikely. Life is just so lifey.
Oliver Sacks
Oliver sacks died today. This was something that we knew would happen; he told us so in his familiar matter-of-fact way last February. Still, it comes as a blow to to joy in the world. His insights and curiosity remind me to keep seeking that "good and worthwhile life." Thank you, Dr Sacks, for your questions, your answers, and your reassurances.
"[N]ow, weak, short of breath, my once-firm muscles melted away by cancer, I find my thoughts, increasingly, not on the supernatural or spiritual, but on what is meant by living a good and worthwhile life — achieving a sense of peace within oneself. I find my thoughts drifting to the Sabbath, the day of rest, the seventh day of the week, and perhaps the seventh day of one's life as well, when one can feel that one's work is done, and one may, in good conscience, rest." ~Oliver Sacks.
Virginia Sudbury nominated for Family Law Lawyer of the Year
The Family Law Section of the Utah State Bar announced their nominations for Family Law Lawyer of the year and our beloved Virginia is up for the top honor, Lawyer of the Year!
The award will be announced May 8th, 2015 at the Annual Family Law Seminar (which Virginia is also presenting at because she's a superstar.)
We at LOVS are so incredibly proud of Virginia and all of the work she does for clients, Utah, and for us, her grateful staff.
She would have never written this herself, let alone uttered it in public. This is what associate attorneys are for.
-Alison Satterlee, Associate Attorney
A thought for spring.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
~Helen Rowland.
March comes in like a lamb, then turns into a lion.
Which teaches us to keep a spare coat in the car.
"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left." Jean Kerr
Happy 2015!
"Fear paralyzes; curiosity empowers. Be more interested than afraid." Patricia Alexander.